A Sunflower Moment Out on the Water

 

                                                      
“I want to sit next to you, Grandma!” Nina shouts happily.

Of course, I’m delighted at this request! But just as she utters these words, Allie pipes up with,

“But, I want to sit by Grandma, too!”

Nina whines, “NO! I want to sit next to Grandma!”

I calmly say to each of them, “That’s, fine, you can both sit next to me.  Allie, you sit on this side! See? There’s plenty of room for both of you! I’ll be a “Grandma Sandwich!”

Reluctantly she comes around to the other side.  Purposely she tries to get and do everything that her cousin does. There’s a little bit of cousin “envy” going on whenever we are together!

I have been so blessed with four beautiful and healthy grandchildren, Jack(7), Allie(4), Nina(2) and Kellan(1). Today we have them all.  All four of them are strapped into their life jackets and safely on board the pontoon boat. We’ve untied the boat from the dock and everyone is seated for the launch.  The launch is successful, and we’re on our way! It’s a beautiful, hot, sunny summer weekend.  All of us are anxious to enjoy our time together on beautiful Morse Lake.

Of course, at the moment, my lap is full with the baby, Kellan.
He, being the “baby” I’ve been around the most since we’ve moved to Indiana, is very comfortable with me and contentedly sits on my lap. He loves to be with his Grandma.

Just as we pull away from the dock and are well on our way onto the water, Jack, the oldest, recalls that he forgot his goggles at home. They are not at the dock, which would be an easy fix, but all the way back at their house, several miles away.

“But, I want my goggles! I can’t swim without my goggles! Dad, PLEASE! Can we PLEASE go home and get them?”

“No, Jack”, His dad says.  “ I told you to pack everything you needed and it’s too late now!”

“Aw, come on!” says Jack, “I really NEED my goggles!” Jack gets teary eyed and visibly upset.

“Jack,” Nina says softly and kindly, with her sweet tender voice, “You can use MY goggles if you want too!”

“NO! They’ll be too small for me! I want my own goggles!”

Jack begins to pout and starts to cry.  This is how he sometimes gets adults to change their minds and do what HE wants.  Because Jack is crying, Allie and Kellan start to get sad as well.  Even though they usually get on each other’s nerves, when one or the other is crying, they seem to have sympathy “sadness”.
Apparently, they really do love and care for each other.

At that very moment, my son, “Uncle” Matt, says, “Smile, say cheese!”  And he snaps a picture.

This is one of my all-time favorite pictures.  I smile because my heart is full here. First of all, all four of my grandchildren are together and I’m also in the picture. This is extremely rare.  I have very few pictures of me with my grandparents, and I know it will be a treasure.  And even though they aren’t all smiling and happy, it tells a story.  It tells a story of a day we had so much fun together on the boat. It tells the story of grandchildren who want to be with their grandparents and do things together.

The rest of the story goes like this:
We did get in some swimming in the water on this beautiful summer day. We found a spot on the beach at “Party Island” to park our boat, which is not easy on a sunny weekend day.  Jack learned that he could still swim without his goggles! We had a nice lunch on the boat, treats and beer for the adults included! We saw swans and ducks and felt the fish tickle our legs.

Even though the moments with these four are sometimes challenging and full of laughter and then crying intermittently from one minute to the next, I get to share time with these special kids and I love every moment of it.  I treasure this photo because it reminds me that…

“Sunflower” moments are precious.



July,  2015

An Experience of Faith

As a young college student I lived in Spain for several months as an exchange student.  Being in a foreign country was an awesome learning experience for me.  This memory comes from one of my visits to a Spanish cathedral, probably in Segovia, Spain. 

The cool, dark air tinged with the scent of incense was a stark contrast to the hot, dry air of the Spanish sun.  It took a few moments for my eyes to adjust to the dark of the interior of the cathedral.  I had longed to enter here, hoping to find a connection to the saints in this holy place.  The cathedral was enormous, dark and smelled faintly of rosemary.  The air was cool and musty and only the shuffling of visitors’ feet broke the silence.

I began to walk around the space slowly looking at the statues in the various alcoves, stopping to try to interpret the stories depicted in the paintings and by the figures.   

The large brown eyes of the saints, looking up to heaven, experiencing God’s presence in their lives, haunted me. So solemn, so dark, they seemed, lit only by the lights of small votive candles left as a prayer offering.

I saw Mary, emblazoned with gold, looking at the wounds her son endured.  He was covered in deep, red blood and jeweled stones made water seem to pour from her eyes. Mary, the mother of God, the feminine face of God, came alive for me as I witnessed her mourning the loss of her son. I could see her sorrow. I could feel her sorrow.  I had a certain knowing of her sorrow then. She, who experienced the pain of motherhood way beyond what I could comprehend.

As I approached the main altar, I looked up in awe. The ceilings were so high, arched and beautiful.  The stained glass allowed in just enough colored light to cast a contrast of light and dark shadows on the crucifix.  I proceeded into the main area and took a seat on one of the hard, wooden benches.  Just as I looked up again, one thin beam of light seemed to light up Christ’s face.  His big, dark eyes were looking upwards.  He was clearly in pain and sorrow.  This was not what his humanness could endure and I was immediately struck with a thought,

“He died for ME!” 

The altar was full of flowers  and skulls and there almost seemed to be smoke rising up in the beams of light to the ceiling.  Almost like an echo, I heard singing coming through the cathedral as some monks began to chant.  It was very calming and beautiful. I sat for a few moments to ponder. Slowly a prayer formed in my head and in the beating of my heart and my slow steady breathing. I had a strong realization of the presence of Christ with me.

            “Christ died for ME!” 

I knew he was a man of sorrows, many losses, pain and death. This was the  dark story portrayed in this place.  But I also knew as I walked slowly out of the dark cathedral, that just as the bright light of the afternoon Spanish sun hit my face and I looked up towards the sky, that there was something greater than death that followed.  There was to be a resurrection to this story.  There was light, renewal, and hope.

            “Christ died for ME!

Yet He also LIVES for me!”

 "Never resign yourself to the 

Inevitable

For the inevitable is what has been buried with

 the rising of the unimaginable."

-Easter Service

Roots of Life Community

Noblesville, IN

           

                       

Real People

Photo by Henry Winokur

It has been a long time since I've posted here...But none-the-less, my mind has been going non-stop about so many things.  One of the suggestions that I got from a workshop I attended said to focus on a “moment”...and elaborate on that moment. Unfortunately for me...a “moment” leads to a lifetime and there are not enough words to express all of that!

 

My dear father in law passed away on May 2, 2015.  We kind of knew this was about to happen and were prepared as best we could be.  My husband was surprised by the sadness he felt and still feels about losing his father.  Today has been a hard day for him right from the start because the memories just keep on coming.  It is Father's Day. (Here I paused….)

I came up to my "office" to check on something quickly...on the computer...and here I find myself, reading an old letter and drifting back in time...again and losing my train of thought for the moment.  It was too hard to write the story on Father’s Day, so I put the writing away and saved it.  Here in my computer’s newly expanded memory, the thoughts sat and a month has gone by!  

Here I go again, the day after our 41^st anniversary, attempting to write about how I felt during these precious moments.

As we were cleaning out drawers at my in-laws house, my husband happened upon a letter he had written on October 19^th, 1970. He found it in the bottom drawer of the nightstand next to his father's side of the bed.

Now, for your information, my husband's father was not sentimental at all, but for some reason he had held on to this letter.  It was next to a folded up napkin from our wedding, July 20, 1974.

“Dear Mom and Dad, Kim and Jennifer too!”

Isn’t it something special that we had to write letters back in the 70’s to our parents while we were away at college? I recall making a weekly phone call home on Sunday evening when the long distance rates were cheaper.  It’s a tradition I have kept up all my life, calling mom on Sunday evening at least once a week.  We wrote letters too! Poured our hearts out to our parents, boyfriends, sisters, and grandparents.  There was something special about hand written letters and this letter must have been important because it had been saved in a special place.  Doug said to me when he found it, “Come here and check this out!” Then he quickly folded it up and put it back in the envelope and said, “Never mind”! (He probably wasn't sure where the letter was leading with the mention of an old girlfriend..)

This sudden change of attitude peaked my interest, so when we got home a few days later, I read the letter silently to myself and discovered what the mystery was all about.  In the letter, he had outlined for his parents all of the activities he and his hometown girlfriend had participated in during the Homecoming festivities and it sounded like they had a great time! He also described difficulties he was having with his roommate and how they were going to split up and move in with other people.  He explained how hard he was studying and how difficult the classes were that he was taking at the time. He mentioned that the sciences were extremely difficult and that he was “running out of study time that’s ‘cause there is so much to learn.”  Then finally he says, “I’m still enrolled in college.”

The letter gets more interesting towards the end… and this is the part that touches my heart and makes me realize what a sweet young man he was when we first met.

He starts talking about “People” and writes, “People are just as important as studies and I have met some great individuals…people I love…not just acquaintances.  REAL PEOPLE.”

My experience of college dorm life, classes and meeting new people was much the same…you met really great people and you had time to talk to them and get to know them and you LIVED with them on a day to day basis.  They became like your family, your sisters and brothers, your neighbors and your confidantes.

Then he writes to his parents…

“I have also met a girl. (You knew I was leading up to that, didn’t you mom and dad?)”

“Her name is Gail Parker.”

He wrote this letter to his parents to tell them about meeting ME! This is so special! He wanted to tell his family that he had met someone he loved, a new girl, and he told them my name! So nostalgic and sweet, I began to feel those feelings of butterflies and anxiousness and the feeling of falling in love all over again! 

“I don’t see her much but…but I DON’T KNOW. I am anxious for you to meet her…she makes me feel…HAPPINESS…that means a great deal to me.  ON & ON & ON I COULD GO ABOUT HER BUT YOU WOULDN’T GET THE PICTURE. I’ll send a picture, how’s that?” 

What a precious memory…the time we were first dating and I made him feel HAPPINESS (all caps!). I hope I still do. 

We have been married now for 41 years. That is a long time and a short time.  We have raised three children and now are blessed with 4 beautiful grandchildren! As anyone who knows us knows…we’ve had some highs and lows but we have always remained committed to one another and to our family.  We have held onto our faith and each other through all of it. What an amazing ride we have had together! And what a treat to find this precious memory tucked away in a drawer!

 

Living in the Moment

Life is too short

I received word last week that a very dear friend of our family had died as a result of complications from a heart transplant...and then just a day later I hear via email that a very vivacious 67 year old had died in her sleep one night and her family was planning her funeral! 

Each time I get news like this, I shudder and begin to get fearful...life is too short! It's NOT fair! I felt that way when my father died at 70(too young)... and now I, myself, am inching my way towards those numbers. I hold my 6 month old grand baby close to my chest and know that each moment with him is immensely precious! None of us wants to think about life's swift passing!

Skating on the Lake

That is why, yesterday, when I saw the sunshine and the fact that the temperature had risen closer to 30 degrees, I made my husband come outside with me so that I could put on my ice skates and attempt to skate on the little ice rink our neighbors had carved out of the snow on the lake. Somehow I wanted to prove to myself and others (via Face book) that I could still do this and I am still very much alive and active! (And...I got 87 likes!)

AND....I did it! (Without falling!)

My poor husband walked around the periphery of the little rink, checking to make sure the ice wasn't cracking.  He had brought a cord, a shovel and an ice chopper just to make sure we had something in case I fell in. There was no need to worry, though! I did just fine and thoroughly enjoyed the bright sun, beautiful white snow and clear skies.

Life is too short to waste time thinking about the "what ifs".  Sometimes we have to grab at opportunities to do and experience life's moments without fear.

I plan to experience as many moments as I can, while I can. That's not to say that I won't feel sad or worried from time to time, but I have learned to focus on those moments that bring me joy, even in the midst of difficulties.
                                                                                                                                                                 Enjoy your day and be blessed my beloved friends!

"I will make you a great nation, and I will bless you!"

Genesis 12:2

Thoughts from One Year Ago

I've just been reading, thinking, and processing my thoughts today...after all these months of retirement I haven't even begun to organize my thoughts and ideas for the book that sits in my heart...

"Among the Sunflowers"...


Instead I keep waiting for that one next thing...

I keep thinking I will move to Indiana and in my new house, I'll have a wonderful office with space to work on my projects and my book...but instead, I put it off. (Even though I have a nice little room in this house for just that purpose. ) 

I came across something I'd written in 2002! (Is it even possible that it's been so long?)  At that time I had been given the idea for a book from my son. I wrote:

"Is going into the space and time of another life passing judgement on the life that I have now?  That what is, is not enough?  Again, striving for more...for a richer experience? I don't know.

...My goal today is to live the life placed before me...to somehow grow and be all that God has granted me to be...in this space and place I call home, with the people who are here with me now.

Can I live "among the sunflowers"...(the suggested title for my book).....today? NOW?  In my life as it is at this very moment?"

We put in a bid on a home in Cicero, Indiana at Christmas time.  It is a short sale and we are in a period of waiting to hear from the bank.  We were told that the bank requires that the property be listed on an online auction site and be open for other bidders prior to accepting or rejecting our offer.

We are, of course, very frustrated by this latest turn of events...however, we are not going to give up on the idea. So today, I have been very unsettled thinking about waiting for 2 more weeks before the auction even starts.

Today I began reading through some of my writings so that I don't end the day feeling like I've wasted the here and now...and I read my very own words.

"Perhaps what I'm being called to do is simply see the situations of my life..all from a different point of view, not "start anew" but start with a "new view" and a different understanding.  Perhaps that is what "Among the Sunflowers" will evolve into. Only God knows."

Sometimes the answer is simply, "Wait."

There is no work in life 

so hard as waiting, 

and yet I say, wait...

Wait, and be not afraid.

God Calling p. 38-39

And so I wait...on the house and God's will for us there...and I try to stay open so that I can be moved...maybe to write...

I go forward!

P.S.  We won the online auction for the house and moved in here in October.  Now to stay open to the writing that's been on my heart for over 10 years!

So, it has to do with sunflowers....

Sunflowers are my very favorite flowers, they are big, bold, bright and beautiful. They grow in Spain where I visit frequently. I have seen fields and fields of them growing in rows and all facing the sun at the same time. I have had a passion for the symbolism of sunflowers for many years as they lift their faces to follow the light each day.

This I also strive to do. I hold my God up as the light, and follow with my face looking upward each day. Sunflowers can be a metaphor for so many things to me. I just can't forget the day that my son, Mike, took my picture in a field of sunflowers in Sepulveda, Spain. It was a moment of pure happiness for me, a time when I was enjoying the moment. This is something I forget to do now and then... to just enjoy the moment!

So much has happened in my life in the last few years. I have grown and I have learned many things. My lesson for today is that I must always live my life among the sunflowers. In the now, eyes focused upward, heart open to the light.

Peace for the day! Gail