Forty Days without Facebook: I am Listening

This year I decided to give up Facebook for Lent. I am a Lutheran and we can, but are not required to, choose something to fast from or abstain from as an act of purposeful spiritual renewal for the forty days of Lent. This is partly because Jesus went out into the wilderness for those forty days prior to re-entering the city of Jerusalem on Palm Sunday.

I chose to take myself away from the social media platform, Facebook for those forty days. This was mostly because I found myself daily wasting hours of time scrolling through senseless memes, reading political discourse that constantly upset me and actually activated feelings of emotional distress and fear because of it. I felt that each day and each moment I was looking at my own life through the lens of “moments” that I could post on Facebook to show my friends and family just how precious my grandkids are and all the fun things we do together. Maybe I hadn’t really been “present” in those moments, but thinking about how it would look to others. To be honest, this is the one thing I missed the most, the inability to share moments of joy myself, or to see the joy and happiness that others posted. It became blatantly apparent that I was, am “addicted” to the social connection we get to be a part of on this and other similar platforms.

I began to set my purpose for this time of fasting by examining what I actually wanted to get out of this time. In January, I felt a strong need to get to a place of “listening” more. I felt God was telling me to listen more, to listen to what the Holy Spirit was trying to tell me and to what others were telling me when I was with them. I needed time to be quiet with my voice and with my responses, my posts, my political views, my memories, and instead fill myself up with silence, prayer, listening, contemplation and reflection. I chose “Listen” as my word for 2020.

I began to use a journal that my daughter, Michelle, had gifted me for Christmas.

The title is I am Listening: Guided Journal Practice, A Journey in Hearing from God, by Tammy Weisweaver. (Available through Amazon) This little book gave me some prompts to reflect on each day and I could easily respond to each one and then reflect on it weekly during this time. So I made the commitment to undertake this fast to see what I would hear from the Holy Spirit. I began to really listen.

            What did I hear from God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit during those forty days? I will share some of it with you now.

            I needed to slow down on this journey through the wilderness called Lent by tuning into the Holy Spirit around me and truly listen to the mysteries. God is trustworthy and I can put my trust into the presence of God in others, and myself in nature’s beauty, and life’s sorrows. I am loved and the Holy Spirit is with me all the time.

            I heard that I should not listen to the lies. Politics don’t really matter, but everyone, even politicians, are children of God too. The world is large, but God makes himself known to us in small things. I can be authentic and I ought never assume anything. Things don’t always work out how we want them to in our small understandings of the world. There are many layers to everything.

            I heard that I needed to surrender my will to God and that by trying to control things. I am trying to be God. I cannot be God. I heard that I could trust the Spirit to lead me. The truth will be revealed.

            I heard God telling me to relax, to take care of myself, to rest, to enjoy this time of quiet reflection and quarantine. My own health and that of those I care about is important. I heard that I should look for the things I am grateful for and I did that. I surprised me how many blessings I have been given.

            I prayed more often and more fervently during this time and I wrote out my prayers and named those I prayed for. This lead to more focused prayer time and I felt the presence of God more strongly. The Holy Spirit was with me, and those I prayed for, through all of it. Everyday I felt that I was listening and God was responding.

My gratitude list:

~the love of my mother

~doctors who care

~grandchildren

~my children

~words

~sunsets, sunrises, sunshine

~family

~birds

~glass of wine

~friend’s voice

~my marriage

~kid’s climbing trees

~pictures

~physical health

~rain, yes-even rain that nourishes the earth and promotes new life

I partnered with the Lord when…

~we walked together through the wilderness

~I prayed

~I trusted

~I was kind

~I sought the truth

~ I had an open mind

~I accepted His strength in me

~I was loving

~I relaxed and let go

~I rested

~I kept moving

~I reached out to others

~In stillness and new life

~I stayed positive

~I celebrate communion with others virtually

What did I let go of? (Still working on it!)

~resentments

~fear

~pride

~control

~regrets

~weakness

~shame

~impatience

~denial

~failure to accept

~pain

            As you can see, there was a lot there…and there has been a lot going on in our lives that has been a source of fear and pain. I believe that because I felt the presence of the Spirit so strongly with me during this time. I will continue to listen and spend time thinking about and consciously work on letting go of things that are hurting me, fully believing that God can work in us even as we cannot do it ourselves, if we are open, if we listen.

            May God bless you and restore you this coming Easter weekend. I am anxiously awaiting the good news!

"Remember you are dust..."

Dust
Today I am thinking a lot about dust! 

I feel a bit sad that I was not able to get to an Ash Wednesday service yesterday....many of the churches around here cancelled their services due to the extreme cold and gusting winds. So, I didn't go out to receive the imposition of ashes. 

However, I did wake up this morning to the bright sun shining through my bedroom window and I could see the bright sparkling dust particles floating around the room.  The sun always makes the dust shine and show up in a way that is impossible to remove adequately.  

My son wrote a song that had a lyric that I always sing in my head when I see dust in the sunlight... 

"In the bright light 

can you see...

all the dust 

you're breathing in?

In the bright light

can you see...

anything, anything?" 

Matt Mehlan- "Git" 

http://ghostlysongs.com 

The dust in the air and the dust that appears on the furniture and floors just reminded me of Ash Wednesday today.  The words spoken at the Ash Wednesday service are to remind us how small we are in the grand scheme of things....are we really anything, anything at all? Just dust.

But are we just dust? It says in Genesis 2:7

"...the Lord God formed the man from the

dust of the ground and breathed 

into his nostrils the breath

of life,

and the man became a living being."

Breath of Life

We have been given the "breath of life" and that has given us so much more.  The breath of life has given us a body for working hard, loving, touching, experiencing... we have been given the opportunity to enjoy all of God's creation.  

I am sitting here looking out at the frozen lake and the blowing snow and still the sun in shining and the house feels warm.  I can feel it.  I can think and use words to express my thoughts and my heart is beating steadily in a body that is made of simply dust.

I was able this summer to stand with my husband's family at the bedside of his mother as she took her last breath.  It was a sacred and holy moment for all of us present there in that room.  When she developed a lung condition that made breathing difficult, each breath was truly the breath of life. It had gotten to be such a struggle for her.   At the moment of her passing, and the last exhalation of her earthly breath, we all felt an overwhelming sense of peace knowing that her "breath of life" was finished and she had returned to "dust".  She wasn't struggling any longer. She was at peace. 

Within two weeks of her passing, I was witness to the birth of my grandson.  I stood in another room, in another place and experienced another sacred and holy moment as the "breath of life" was breathed into a tiny little body. I was in awe as this small creature took in his first breath and cried out! A miracle had occurred! I truly felt blessed to be able to experience these moments of life...life coming, and life going.

During this time of Lent, I choose to focus on my smallness, on my life as just being small in the grandness of creation. I am something, but mostly just dust that has been given a wonderful gift from God, the "breath of life".  And someday, I will return to God again, as dust, without fear.

May you, like me, take time in the next 40 days, to reflect on your lives and your relationship to God and love and life. Just remember that dust is powerful stuff when God breathes into it!

"Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return..." 

I sit here and hold in my hand a stone heart...http://amongthesunflowers.blogspot.com/2009/04/it-came-to-me-along-time-ago.html