I Am Not Afraid!

"Don't you go! Don't you move!"


It felt like a prophesy over me...a word spoken by man, through a man, directed at me to inspire me, yet I believe the words were somehow from God.


I have gone to church with my friend before...and always sensed in myself a holding back, perhaps a "holding out" of letting the power of the Holy Spirit move in me.  Maybe I do hold back, maybe I do.  Lord, I am sorry for that.   Many years of upbringing in a quiet church setting...controlled and in control, I believe...yet I hold the Spirit at arms length away.  I still struggle with letting go....I fear losing control.


At this meeting, the speaker prayed over many of us as we walked through the line.  I boldly went forward committed to allowing the Spirit to fill me...as my time came up, I tried so hard to make it quick...to not be "touched" and have a stranger lay his hands on me! I actually tried to move on quickly and he spoke to me...grabbed my arm and pulled me gently toward him and placed his hand firmly on my head as though he was pushing me down (I felt like he was trying to get me to surrender...or he thought I would try to escape!)


"Dont' you go! Don't you move!"


"God says, "The spirit of the living God is gonna fall on you...Also...it's gonna fall on you like rain!  You're gonna see a cloud, like a cloud the size of a man's hand...but there's gonna be an abundance of rain...There's a refreshing rain that's coming to your life.  And you're gonna refresh others that are weary!"  He says, "I'm gonna put inside your mouth and on your tongue a word that will refresh those that are weary, and broken..."  All those things that you pass through in your life, God says, "There is a reason for that season!"


"Oh, my God, Hallelujah! Oh, my God!"


I did feel moved by the power of the Spirit....tears were streaming down my face, heart pounding within me!  I cried tears as the Spirit flowed through me and I kept thinking about the word, HOPE, again it came to my mind.  


The Lord has placed the word, HOPE in my mouth and on my tongue and I will meditate on it!


"Blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their HOPE and confidence."
Jeremiah 17:7


"Don't you go! Don't you move!"


Gail, don't move away from the power of the Holy Spirit! Let it rain on you...(tears?) ...a cleansing abundant rain.


Healing rain is falling down
Healing rain is falling down
I'm not afraid! I'm not afraid!


Let go of the fear! Don't move!


Let me walk across the room, speak of my faith, and not be weird!

A Prayer for my Children

I was listening to my son's CD, "Money",  in the car,  and felt the need for prayer for him...for both of my sons, actually...make that my daughter,  too...no, make it all of us...the whole family....friends....the world.

maybe if I prayed the sun would shine for me? 

"Our father in heaven, hallowed be thy name

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven."

take away all the things that trouble me?

"Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.

Lead us into temptation and deliver us from evil."

Fill my pockets FULL 

my fridge with food to eat?

"Give us this day our daily bread."

but I don't have the time.

"Oh, but you do! You took the time.  The words came from you. You wrote the words, sang the song, you thought the prayer in your head, in your heart...you did pray....you did take the time!" I wanted to call my son and tell him that.  

But, I just thought it and by my thoughts, it was also a prayer!

"For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever and ever. AMEN"

"I am good."

Another son, another place, different circumstances....yet he is a writer as well.  He writes his "mantra".  "I am good.  I am good."  Yes, son, you are good!  You are.  I love you. 

I am praying for you!




Only GOD can turn a MESS into a MESSage, a TEST into a TESTimony, aTRIal into a TRIumph, a VICTim into a VICTory. GOD is GOOD... all the time!

A post on Facebook, by my daughter...a prayer...going through a "mess"-
work, marriage, home, child, stress, money...


She is making life into a "test", a "trial"-
want to be perfect, want to be right, want to be successful,
so like me, so like her mother.

Yet...God can change things, God can help us be what we are on the inside,

"good enough"!

God is GOOD! All the time!

Thank you, Lord, for helping me sort out the thoughts of my family today!




‎"This life, therefore ... is not righteousness but growth in righteousness, .... not health but healing, ... not being but becoming, ... not rest but exercise. ... We are not yet what we shall be, ... but we are growing toward it. ... The process is not yet finished but it is going on. ... This is not the end but it is the road. ... All does not yet gleam in glory ... but all is being purified." 


Martin Luther

A Place for Me Among the Sunflowers in Spain

I was standing there, truly there, in Spain, and actually in a sunflower field, among the sunflowers.

It was hot, there was a little breeze, but the sweat was streaming down my back as I coerced my husband, Doug, to take pictures of me there. I was really there. I was among the sunflowers.

I was amazed actually, that I didn't feel more of a spiritual connection to the flowers. They surprised me with their dry furry stalks and the weeds that were on the ground, pricking my ankles made it difficult to walk. I wanted to feel something "special" there. I wanted to feel connected to the earth...but I felt hot, and slightly frustrated with my husband's off color comments about how I ought to "take off my clothes and run naked through the sunflowers".

That was what was on his mind, I guess. Not mine. I wanted a spiritual experience. I had looked forward to finding the sunflowers in Spain, and really "connecting" to that experience of looking up at the sun and feeling a connection to God. I was hoping for more than I got, I guess.

The flowers themselves surprised me...I always thought that they followed the sun with their faces, but really their backs were to the sun, kind of like it was warming their "back sides".

They are tall...almost as tall as I am. They truly are beautiful, too. When I think back on it, I am amazed at how they grow at all in that hot, dry climate. Their color is warm, yellow, orange and all shades of green. They are warm, like the hot Spanish sun that was beating down on us as we stood there studying them.

All in all, I know God was there...the hot sun felt overwhelming, like His love for us. His blessings to me were so obvious throughout the entire trip; family and friends in another country who love me and will always love me, the ability to speak and understand another language, the ability too, to communicate without language as Doug was so able to do, the opportunity and the resources to be able to go at all...were all gifts from God. He was there.

Just standing there, feeling the warm breezes on my face, seeing the colors of the amazing flowers, and reflecting on all of the blessings of my life and my trip. It was a spiritual experience after all. It also had a touch of reality, blessed reality.

Praise God for my moments of reality, "among the sunflowers!"

Mother's Day

Finding a Note

Tucked in my devotional book, a hand written note is there. Written on a piece of "grocery list" paper with a sunflower on it, I receive a note. It is written with childlike writing, printing, and the spelling is surprisingly correct!

"Dear Mom,

All you do for me is so greatly appreciated and I can never express how grateful I am."

My 23 year old son, an adult man in body only, still waiting for the maturity of a "man" to develop in him. I wait, I watch, but mostly I pray for him!

Lord, take care of him, draw him close to you again. Cleanse him from his sins, ....forgive him. He is my son, I love him. Now, he is in YOUR hands. AMEN

I am sitting here "thinking", knowing in my heart intuitively that even if there are troubles ahead for for my son, that if I am lost in my own obsessive thinking and all the excuses, lies and disappointments that are all signs, I must turn my focus away from that. I am simply having a relapse of thought.

"It's grace and mercy you give me..."

Today I refuse to ask questions. I put my doubts aside, I move on. I have a life to live, too. A good one....I have been blessed. I can extend God's grace and mercy only through the power given to me.

"I wouldn't have my life without u and even now I wouldn't survive.

Your son, with love"

I have had my Mother's Day card! I chose to take those words at face value, trusting with hope that they are based on love. I trust the love that I feel. I thank the Lord for it!

I go...face the day...one moment at a time.

"And when people escape from the wicked ways of the world by learning about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and then get tangled up with sin and become its slave again, they are worse off than before. It would be better if they had never known the right way to live, than to know it and then reject the hold commandments that were given to them. They make these proverbs come true: "A dog returns to it vomit" and "A washed pig returns to the mud."

2 Peter 2:20-22

Whose problem is it?

"It's not your problem", God replied.

I haven't posted in a while...don't know why. It seems like the year is already spinning out of control and rushing forward! I haven't had a moment to catch my breath since the new year began. WOW! Today I have a quiet few moments of peace here.

I am waiting for my son to come home so we can take care of some errands with him, gas in the car, oil change, groceries, laundry in the mean time...dinner, etc. It will be busy! I am anxious to see him and hope he is okay, for today! When I ponder how he will ever find a way to live life on his own, when I wonder, "Will he ever get a job?" When I ask myself, will he become a "productive" member of society? I know I am walking into dangerous thinking territory! Dangerous! A friend of mine posted the lyrics to a song, entitled, "I AM" on a website forum. The chorus says:

"It's not your problem!" God replied!

Now that's a good one, it's definitely NOT my problem, is it? And when I make it my problem, it shows a lack of faith in the POWER of the almighty to do anything. Nothing is impossible with God! I think I needed to hear that today!

Thoughts swirling through my head about what changes will be made in my work situation for next year. Wanting to have things worked out and running smoothly. So many changes! Good friends leaving and moving to different schools. Teachers being shuffled around and moved. Assistants who are like my right and left hand, will not be with me again. It is so difficult to face these changes. I'm feeling the confusing and frustrating thoughts of doubt. Will it all work out?

Then there's that chorus again:

"It's not your problem!" God replied!

I'd better go now...listen to what God is saying to me. Cast all my thoughts upon Him and rest in His care.

I am NOT God! Thankfully, none of these problems are mine to deal with! Thank YOU very much! I needed to hear that reply today, God. TODAY!

A New Year is about to Begin!

"You shall not go out in haste...for the Lord will go before you, and the God of Israel will be your rear guard."  Isaiah 52:12

It is reassuring to know that I can move forward from the past into the future knowing God will be there to step into the New Year with me. That is reassuring for sure. The thought that I "shall not go out in haste" makes me think that I ought to ponder the events of 2009...for I know that God allows the memories of the past to be a ministry of spiritual growth for my future. Let's see what I have in my memory for 2009 and what the lessons have been...

My heart is weak and broken....even though I have tried to take care of myself, I didn't do the best I could for my heart. I needed a pacemaker and additional surgery to add a third wire to the device this year (2009). My life has been restored and I have learned that I am completely in the hands of God with regards to this. He has given me a new chance to live through the hands of a competent surgeon and the marvels of technology.

"And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart." Ezekiel 36:26

My attitudes about my work situation reflect a stubborn unmoving attitude. I have been assigned to teach a resource room again this year after two years away from that position. I am sharing a room with another teacher and have felt intruded upon and for some reason, not respected. It has been difficult to adjust to the new situation. I keep trying, but somehow I can't seem to get it right. One day I realized that the situation was just a situation, and that my own attitude about it was making it more difficult for myself! I have to look at the positives in each situation and try to keep my attitude positive and not resentful. I constantly think about what's right for kids, what we offer them...how we help them! It is always a challenge. Once I changed my outlook, the situation got a bit better and well...the year is almost half over now!

"I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has laid hold of me." Phillippians 3:12

I am still struggling with the letting go ...letting go of the worries....the fear of addictions....the misuse of money....why am I so judgemental? I do not have "perfect" children, spouse or relatives! It is a crisis mostly of my own making. My thoughts and fears are my own worst enemy. I see the effects of alcohol flowing all around me and it is hard to just let go of all of it. But I must. God is in control. I can trust Him. My love for my family is strong, but my focus must be on the Lord.

“And if it seems evil to you to serve the LORD, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.” Joshua 24:15

I was faced this year with some care-giving issues. My mom has had several incidences of her heart going into an irregular rhythm. I have been up in Wisconsin with her, taking care of her and helping her to get situated on medication that will stabilize things. It has been a process, but she is doing well, for now. It made me think that I need to "take care of my family" in many ways, this has always been my mission in life. Sometimes, I feel like I haven't done a very good job of "taking care".

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house there are many rooms...I am going to prepare a place for you." John 14:1-3

There are many rooms, that is reassuring. There will be a place for me, for my family, for mom, for my children, my family....all of us...mended hearts, lost souls, complacent followers, old, young, ALL of us. I will do my very best to care for all, but most of all I will entrust them to God.

The most recent moment of spiritual growth for me this year was staying close to my dear friend as she died and went home to be with Jesus on Thanksgiving Day. I tried to be by her side as much as I possibly could and to share in her last days without intruding upon the family. I think it was a difficult, but special time for me. Always November, always gray, cold and dismal. I struggled with the feelings of thanksgiving during those weeks that passed as her life just faded away. But in the end, I have learned to be thankful for all of the experiences that I had with my friend and for the life that she lived so courageously as she battled breast cancer. I was thankful that she was finally at peace. She was a fighter...and a loving friend. I miss her.

"No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus." Thessalonians 5:18

Today my family left to go back home to their lives and I was left with a dirty house and a stack of dishes to be washed, and piles of laundry to do. Yet, the leaving of grandson, Jack, made me sad. He is so precious and his life brings me such joy! As I washed his little hand prints off of my windows and packed up the toys till next time, I just thought about how much joy he brings to our lives! Yes, it is chaotic and busy when they are all here! But it is family, and it is precious! He changes so much each time I see him. Today I asked him who I was and he said, "My Na"!

I was tickled. Jack has taught be that there is no greater gift than a life developing before my eyes, that I have been blessed with a loving family! I am very thankful! I have seen a little bit of the kingdom of God!

"But Jesus called the children to him and said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." Luke 18:16

I go forward now into the New Year, unafraid, knowing that whatever I face this year, I will walk with God through it all. I make no resolutions, I only hold out my hand to the One who created me and trust that all will be well.

"Leave the broken, irreversible past in His hands, and step out into the invincible future with Him."
Oswald Chambers

Can I give Thanks in all Circumstances?

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thess. 5:16-18

In the end...

Tomorrow it will be Thanksgiving Day. I am packed and ready to leave to go and visit my daughter, her husband and our precious grandson Jack, in Indiana. I ought to feel happy and excited, but instead I am finding myself feeling resentful and sad today.

I have a dear friend who is dying. This simple thought makes me angry and resentful and very, very sad. I wish there was something that I could do. I have been thinking about this verse from Thessalonians 5:16-18. "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you..."

In ALL circumstances, Lord, in ALL? As I watch my friend struggle for each breath and heard her moan with the pain and the frustration of cancer...I question the advice. Give thanks in all circumstances? Are you kidding me? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Come on!

I'm not feeling it! I have angry feelings...like why? What good can possibly come out of this struggle that she is facing now. I kept telling her to be "strong and courageous", and not "afraid"...that "God is with you wherever you go!" (Joshua 1:9) But today I am not feeling like it settles well. For what? This is just so hard to watch. Today I am leaving to go see my grandson, the light of my life. I will be with people who I love and people who need me to share this day of thanks with them. Yet in spite of that my heart is breaking for the family of my dear friend...and I don't know how to be "thankful in all circumstances" with this aura of sadness and fear of death surrounding me today.

My prayer today is: Lord, help me find ways to be thankful for all of the many blessings you have bestowed upon me. One of the wonderful blessings has been the life of my friend, who is suffering right now. When I look at it that way, I can see a thin sparkle of "thankfulness" breaking through the darkness that I feel right now.

I am so very thankful for my friend. We have been friends for a very long time. She came into my life because of the friendship between her daughter and mine when they were in first grade at Churchill School. Her daughter was in my Brownie Scout troop and they played together often. She was always there for me to assist with whatever I needed and to help me with my younger boys while I was busy with the girls. We had numerous outings with the kids over the years, up to the lake, biking to a nearby restaurant for lunch, shared birthday parties, creating playhouses out of boxes, sitting at many baseball games together, walking in the mornings for exercise....then the trouble started for her. Her marriage fell apart and she moved out of our neighborhood. We remained friends and would touch base with each other about once every month or so, just to stay connected. She has struggled with finances and job changes over the years, but always stayed positive. When she discovered she had breast cancer, I tried to be there for her when I could and she seemed to pull through it. Our daughters friendships changed and so did ours, but we always stayed close and I always knew she cared about me. She has been a faithful friend. After thinking about all of that, I know that I am thankful for her life and the time that we had together. We have some wonderful memories! I am thankful that I can be present for her, at least a little bit, in the last few weeks. I am praying for a miracle for her today, Lord, a miracle.

I have observed her children, Lord, as they have gathered around her to love and support her in the last few weeks. They have truly been amazing and loving! You have sent so many loving friends and family members by to see her and love her. I know she has been loved by so many. For that I am thankful as well. She always was searching for the "love of her life"...and that always seemed to elude her in the romantic sense of the word, but in the sense of "love", she has it all...her 3 children, friends, and family have rallied around for support and encouragement.

So, I go now, too, with an attitude of LOVE and THANKSGIVING...for my friend, for love and for the hope that soon she will be free from the sickness that cancer has brought upon her.

I was out walking this AM and heard this song from the David Crowder Band. It expresses my hopes for my friend as she faces the end of her life.

In The End (Oh Resplendent Light) :

In the end when all of this is gone

And all that's living has moved on

The sun and moon will finally set

The wind will lay the seas to rest

In the end when all our souls will rise

All the nations, all the sides

Will feel the need for that dark place

For I and thee in His embrace

In His shadow there is peace

In His arms there is rest

In His word there is hope

In His hands there is grace

In the end, no hurting

In the end, no yearning

In the end, no suffering

No sadness or pain

In the end

To the end when all of this is gone

And all that's living has moved on

The sun and moon will rise and set

The wind will bring the seas to rest

To the end when all our souls will rise

All the nations, all the sides

Will feel the need for this dark place

For I am loved and this is His embrace

In His shadow there is peace

In His arms there is rest

In His word there is hope

In His hands there is grace

To the end, there's hurting

To the end, there's yearning

To the end, there's suffering

You're waiting and waiting

Oh to the end...

Oh to the end...

When it's dark

Souls will shine

When it's dark

We will rise

We were made to live forever...

We were made to live forever...

We will live to live forever...

We will live to live forever...

In the end what it all boils down to is LOVE. I believe that my friend has been loved like she wanted to be. She is a special person and I am still praying for a miracle!

Proverbs 17:17 
A friend loves at all times...