It is reassuring to know that I can move forward from the past into the future knowing God will be there to step into the New Year with me. That is reassuring for sure. The thought that I "shall not go out in haste" makes me think that I ought to ponder the events of 2009...for I know that God allows the memories of the past to be a ministry of spiritual growth for my future. Let's see what I have in my memory for 2009 and what the lessons have been...
My heart is weak and broken....even though I have tried to take care of myself, I didn't do the best I could for my heart. I needed a pacemaker and additional surgery to add a third wire to the device this year (2009). My life has been restored and I have learned that I am completely in the hands of God with regards to this. He has given me a new chance to live through the hands of a competent surgeon and the marvels of technology.
"And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart." Ezekiel 36:26
My attitudes about my work situation reflect a stubborn unmoving attitude. I have been assigned to teach a resource room again this year after two years away from that position. I am sharing a room with another teacher and have felt intruded upon and for some reason, not respected. It has been difficult to adjust to the new situation. I keep trying, but somehow I can't seem to get it right. One day I realized that the situation was just a situation, and that my own attitude about it was making it more difficult for myself! I have to look at the positives in each situation and try to keep my attitude positive and not resentful. I constantly think about what's right for kids, what we offer them...how we help them! It is always a challenge. Once I changed my outlook, the situation got a bit better and well...the year is almost half over now!
"I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has laid hold of me." Phillippians 3:12
I am still struggling with the letting go ...letting go of the worries....the fear of addictions....the misuse of money....why am I so judgemental? I do not have "perfect" children, spouse or relatives! It is a crisis mostly of my own making. My thoughts and fears are my own worst enemy. I see the effects of alcohol flowing all around me and it is hard to just let go of all of it. But I must. God is in control. I can trust Him. My love for my family is strong, but my focus must be on the Lord.
“And if it seems evil to you to serve the LORD, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.” Joshua 24:15
I was faced this year with some care-giving issues. My mom has had several incidences of her heart going into an irregular rhythm. I have been up in Wisconsin with her, taking care of her and helping her to get situated on medication that will stabilize things. It has been a process, but she is doing well, for now. It made me think that I need to "take care of my family" in many ways, this has always been my mission in life. Sometimes, I feel like I haven't done a very good job of "taking care".
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house there are many rooms...I am going to prepare a place for you." John 14:1-3
There are many rooms, that is reassuring. There will be a place for me, for my family, for mom, for my children, my family....all of us...mended hearts, lost souls, complacent followers, old, young, ALL of us. I will do my very best to care for all, but most of all I will entrust them to God.
The most recent moment of spiritual growth for me this year was staying close to my dear friend as she died and went home to be with Jesus on Thanksgiving Day. I tried to be by her side as much as I possibly could and to share in her last days without intruding upon the family. I think it was a difficult, but special time for me. Always November, always gray, cold and dismal. I struggled with the feelings of thanksgiving during those weeks that passed as her life just faded away. But in the end, I have learned to be thankful for all of the experiences that I had with my friend and for the life that she lived so courageously as she battled breast cancer. I was thankful that she was finally at peace. She was a fighter...and a loving friend. I miss her.
"No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus." Thessalonians 5:18
Today my family left to go back home to their lives and I was left with a dirty house and a stack of dishes to be washed, and piles of laundry to do. Yet, the leaving of grandson, Jack, made me sad. He is so precious and his life brings me such joy! As I washed his little hand prints off of my windows and packed up the toys till next time, I just thought about how much joy he brings to our lives! Yes, it is chaotic and busy when they are all here! But it is family, and it is precious! He changes so much each time I see him. Today I asked him who I was and he said, "My Na"!
I was tickled. Jack has taught be that there is no greater gift than a life developing before my eyes, that I have been blessed with a loving family! I am very thankful! I have seen a little bit of the kingdom of God!
"But Jesus called the children to him and said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." Luke 18:16
I go forward now into the New Year, unafraid, knowing that whatever I face this year, I will walk with God through it all. I make no resolutions, I only hold out my hand to the One who created me and trust that all will be well.
"Leave the broken, irreversible past in His hands, and step out into the invincible future with Him."
Oswald Chambers
