“I want to sit next to you, Grandma!” Nina shouts happily.
Of course, I’m delighted at this request! But just as she utters these words, Allie pipes up with,
“But, I want to sit by Grandma, too!”
Nina whines, “NO! I want to sit next to Grandma!”
I calmly say to each of them, “That’s, fine, you can both sit next to me. Allie, you sit on this side! See? There’s plenty of room for both of you! I’ll be a “Grandma Sandwich!”
Reluctantly she comes around to the other side. Purposely she tries to get and do everything that her cousin does. There’s a little bit of cousin “envy” going on whenever we are together!
I have been so blessed with four beautiful and healthy grandchildren, Jack(7), Allie(4), Nina(2) and Kellan(1). Today we have them all. All four of them are strapped into their life jackets and safely on board the pontoon boat. We’ve untied the boat from the dock and everyone is seated for the launch. The launch is successful, and we’re on our way! It’s a beautiful, hot, sunny summer weekend. All of us are anxious to enjoy our time together on beautiful Morse Lake.
Of course, at the moment, my lap is full with the baby, Kellan.
He, being the “baby” I’ve been around the most since we’ve moved to Indiana, is very comfortable with me and contentedly sits on my lap. He loves to be with his Grandma.
Just as we pull away from the dock and are well on our way onto the water, Jack, the oldest, recalls that he forgot his goggles at home. They are not at the dock, which would be an easy fix, but all the way back at their house, several miles away.
“But, I want my goggles! I can’t swim without my goggles! Dad, PLEASE! Can we PLEASE go home and get them?”
“No, Jack”, His dad says. “ I told you to pack everything you needed and it’s too late now!”
“Aw, come on!” says Jack, “I really NEED my goggles!” Jack gets teary eyed and visibly upset.
“Jack,” Nina says softly and kindly, with her sweet tender voice, “You can use MY goggles if you want too!”
“NO! They’ll be too small for me! I want my own goggles!”
Jack begins to pout and starts to cry. This is how he sometimes gets adults to change their minds and do what HE wants. Because Jack is crying, Allie and Kellan start to get sad as well. Even though they usually get on each other’s nerves, when one or the other is crying, they seem to have sympathy “sadness”.
Apparently, they really do love and care for each other.
At that very moment, my son, “Uncle” Matt, says, “Smile, say cheese!” And he snaps a picture.
This is one of my all-time favorite pictures. I smile because my heart is full here. First of all, all four of my grandchildren are together and I’m also in the picture. This is extremely rare. I have very few pictures of me with my grandparents, and I know it will be a treasure. And even though they aren’t all smiling and happy, it tells a story. It tells a story of a day we had so much fun together on the boat. It tells the story of grandchildren who want to be with their grandparents and do things together.
The rest of the story goes like this:
We did get in some swimming in the water on this beautiful summer day. We found a spot on the beach at “Party Island” to park our boat, which is not easy on a sunny weekend day. Jack learned that he could still swim without his goggles! We had a nice lunch on the boat, treats and beer for the adults included! We saw swans and ducks and felt the fish tickle our legs.
Even though the moments with these four are sometimes challenging and full of laughter and then crying intermittently from one minute to the next, I get to share time with these special kids and I love every moment of it. I treasure this photo because it reminds me that…
“Sunflower” moments are precious.
July, 2015
In the face of a culture of death
a world of killing fields
a world of walking dead
Christ is at the head of the resurrection parade
transforming our tears of betrayal into tears of joy
giving us dancing shoes for the resurrection party
And this glittering joker
who has danced in the dragon's jaw of death
now dances with a dance that is full
of nothing less that the fullness of God
this is the dance of the new creation
this is the dance of life out of death
and in this dance all that was broken
all that was estranged
all that was alienated
all that was dislocated and disconnected
is reconciled
comes home
is healed
and is made whole
Amen.
From the Roots of Life Prayers, July 17, 2016
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“Mother May I?”
On a warm June afternoon, I pick up an old journal and read a post that touches my heart.
March 18, 2009
I recall a children’s game where we lined up and one leader was “it”. When it was your turn the leader would say, “
You may move ahead 3 steps.”
Then you would have to ask, “Mother, may I?”
The leader would say either, “Yes, you may.”
Or “No, you may________.”
And they would fill in a different direction for you to follow.
Sometimes I feel like I am still playing a game asking for permission to step forward in life….”Mother, may I?”
Is it okay?
Am I doing the right thing?
God are you really a parent/teacher type? Do you watch each of our steps so closely?
Do you really care?
Sometimes I ask you,
“God, may I?”
And you don’t respond.
Sometimes I face a roadblock and I know the answer is clearly, “NO.”
“Go a different way!”
I pray for wisdom today…wisdom about what I should do.
I wish for it to always be a clear, “Yes, you may take one GIANT step!”
Or “No, you may not! Do this instead.” (And I fear it will be to take two GIANT steps backwards!)
What is it about this post touches my heart? I begin to reflect again on the many questions that I have had in my life, questions that seemed to have no clear answers. I was struggling then with fear. I was facing some rather serious health issues related to my heart. I was experiencing a lack of energy to keep doing the job that I was doing and had just discovered that I would need to work several more years before I could retire. I wanted to retire while I still had some energy left to LIVE! I was worried and I had questions. Would I ever get to retire?
And how is it that I AM learning to live with the questions?
Is it okay to just accept and love the questions themselves? Can I make my life move forward in the middle of a hundred unanswered prayers…when I don’t see what’s ahead? Living with uncertainty is difficult.
I wrote a special prayer for myself that day.
A prayer of questions,
Lord,
What is it that You would have me do with my life? I have found my roles as a wife and mother challenging and rewarding all at the same time. Give me strength…infuse me with a spirit of love and positive attitude.
Lord,
I have questions about my professional future. I am searching for guidance and a sign, what shall I do? Loving this question just confuses me. Trust.
I have questions about raising my children. I want to get it right, but so much seems to go wrong. My children don’t seem to follow you or even believe. I have tried, Lord. I am tired of trying.
I have been blessed with a beautiful home, but still feel the waves of discontent here. What does that mean? What are these whispers of discontent?
Movement is difficult for me here, Lord…Move me in a direction that pleases you and serves you.
I keep waiting for answers from YOU, Lord
Guide me…a visible recognizable sign would be welcome. I am open…my hands are yours…take them and direct me to do work where I can best serve you. Give me peace and purpose in this time of questions.
Amen
As it turns out, I can now see how many of my prayers were answered. Sometimes, with a “yes” sometimes with a “no” and sometimes with a “maybe”… or even a ”WAIT, sit with the questions for a while!” And I did. And I still do now…I have lived with the questions and they seem to continue.
It sometimes seems that life is just one big question mark.
Even though I am finally retired, the questions keep coming. My children are grown and have families of their own and the questions keep coming. I have 4 grandchildren and 1 on the way and I have even more questions than answers. How is that possible? I thought that as I got older and wiser, this would be different. But I do find that even though I still have questions, I am learning to live with them, love them. Nothing is certain. Ever. Can I wait with “breathless expectation” for what is to be revealed? What is God inviting me to do with these questions? Can I live with "gracious uncertainty"?
Uncertainty…Oswald Chamber writes in his devotional, My Utmost for His Highest,
“Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life—gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation.”
“Leave everything to Him and it will be gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in—but you can be certain that He will come. Remain faithful to Him.”
Forgive us, O God, when we limit you...
When we remake you in our image,
When we claim our causes as your own,
When we box you in,
And explain you away,
And in our attempt at understanding, whittle away all mystery.
Forgive us for our human impulses, and change us:
Awaken us to your blinding glory,
Confound us by your love,
Shower us with grace so that we can be made new,
Recreated in your image,
Grateful for all we cannot know.
In the name of Christ, who brought us closer to you, we pray. Amen.
From the Roots of Life Prayers, June 19, 2016
Gail Mehlan
June 2, 2016
(Some italicized portion taken from journals dated 2009)
