I chose to take myself away from the social media platform, Facebook for those forty days. This was mostly because I found myself daily wasting hours of time scrolling through senseless memes, reading political discourse that constantly upset me and actually activated feelings of emotional distress and fear because of it. I felt that each day and each moment I was looking at my own life through the lens of “moments” that I could post on Facebook to show my friends and family just how precious my grandkids are and all the fun things we do together. Maybe I hadn’t really been “present” in those moments, but thinking about how it would look to others. To be honest, this is the one thing I missed the most, the inability to share moments of joy myself, or to see the joy and happiness that others posted. It became blatantly apparent that I was, am “addicted” to the social connection we get to be a part of on this and other similar platforms.
I began to set my purpose for this time of fasting by examining what I actually wanted to get out of this time. In January, I felt a strong need to get to a place of “listening” more. I felt God was telling me to listen more, to listen to what the Holy Spirit was trying to tell me and to what others were telling me when I was with them. I needed time to be quiet with my voice and with my responses, my posts, my political views, my memories, and instead fill myself up with silence, prayer, listening, contemplation and reflection. I chose “Listen” as my word for 2020.
I began to use a journal that my daughter, Michelle, had gifted me for Christmas.
The title is I am Listening: Guided Journal Practice, A Journey in Hearing from God, by Tammy Weisweaver. (Available through Amazon) This little book gave me some prompts to reflect on each day and I could easily respond to each one and then reflect on it weekly during this time. So I made the commitment to undertake this fast to see what I would hear from the Holy Spirit. I began to really listen.
What did I hear from God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit during those forty days? I will share some of it with you now.
I needed to slow down on this journey through the wilderness called Lent by tuning into the Holy Spirit around me and truly listen to the mysteries. God is trustworthy and I can put my trust into the presence of God in others, and myself in nature’s beauty, and life’s sorrows. I am loved and the Holy Spirit is with me all the time.
I heard that I should not listen to the lies. Politics don’t really matter, but everyone, even politicians, are children of God too. The world is large, but God makes himself known to us in small things. I can be authentic and I ought never assume anything. Things don’t always work out how we want them to in our small understandings of the world. There are many layers to everything.
I heard that I needed to surrender my will to God and that by trying to control things. I am trying to be God. I cannot be God. I heard that I could trust the Spirit to lead me. The truth will be revealed.
I heard God telling me to relax, to take care of myself, to rest, to enjoy this time of quiet reflection and quarantine. My own health and that of those I care about is important. I heard that I should look for the things I am grateful for and I did that. I surprised me how many blessings I have been given.
I prayed more often and more fervently during this time and I wrote out my prayers and named those I prayed for. This lead to more focused prayer time and I felt the presence of God more strongly. The Holy Spirit was with me, and those I prayed for, through all of it. Everyday I felt that I was listening and God was responding.
My gratitude list:
~the love of my mother
~doctors who care
~grandchildren
~my children
~words
~sunsets, sunrises, sunshine
~family
~birds
~glass of wine
~friend’s voice
~my marriage
~kid’s climbing trees
~pictures
~physical health
~rain, yes-even rain that nourishes the earth and promotes new life
I partnered with the Lord when…
~we walked together through the wilderness
~I prayed
~I trusted
~I was kind
~I sought the truth
~ I had an open mind
~I accepted His strength in me
~I was loving
~I relaxed and let go
~I rested
~I kept moving
~I reached out to others
~In stillness and new life
~I stayed positive
~I celebrate communion with others virtually
What did I let go of? (Still working on it!)
~resentments
~fear
~pride
~control
~regrets
~weakness
~shame
~impatience
~denial
~failure to accept
~pain
As you can see, there was a lot there…and there has been a lot going on in our lives that has been a source of fear and pain. I believe that because I felt the presence of the Spirit so strongly with me during this time. I will continue to listen and spend time thinking about and consciously work on letting go of things that are hurting me, fully believing that God can work in us even as we cannot do it ourselves, if we are open, if we listen.
May God bless you and restore you this coming Easter weekend. I am anxiously awaiting the good news!
