Serenity

I’m in the car driving, taking a brief respite from the barrage of TV news and commercials. But the topic is still there on the radio.  This presidential election… Ugh.  I try to get away from it, yet I am drawn into it.  I feel compelled to listen. I think I have made a choice, but still I wait for some information that directs me differently.

The announcer on the radio is talking about a particular candidate.  He states,

“This candidate will do this and that…blah, blah, blah…and if that doesn’t give you goose bumps, then there is something wrong with you!”

I immediately feel a slow small tingly sensation creep up my spine and into the back of my head. The goose bumps travel down my arms and I shiver. There is nothing wrong with me.  I am afraid.

The stress of this fear is making me into someone I don’t like.  I can’t seem to let it go. I listen and react to each tiny sound bite from multiple sources. I follow both candidates on my twitter feed, there are constant Facebook memes making claims about both. It is almost as if I’m into an addiction that taunts me and drives my thinking. 

I remember back to the first time I voted for president.  I was just 18 years old. The only person I listened to about politics was my dad.  I always followed his lead because I trusted his ideas. (I was so young and naive!) When I walked in the poling place for the first time, I was overwhelmed with pride.  I felt so grown-up and important.  I was doing a great thing.  What an honor and privilege to be given the opportunity to vote.

But now…I must think for myself and there seems to be so much to know! As I enter to vote this season, I will be making a decision, and it is not an easy one this time.  My father is no longer with us, yet I still wonder what he would say about this particular election.  I miss his sound advice and informed opinion. I continue to experience the constant swirling thoughts. I thought I had matured enough to let them go…

Suddenly something enters into my thoughts in the form of a very familiar prayer.  I’ve called upon this prayer to release me from anxiety so many times in my life and for so many different circumstances…

“God, grant me the serenity….”

I hear the words in my heart and my body knows that’s what I need. Serenity.

“God, grant me the serenity…to accept the things I cannot change.”

My (Al-Anon) “program” teaches me that I cannot change anyone or anything.  Certainly in this situation I can vote.  But then I must let it go from there…into the universe trusting in a God that is the only one who knows the plans He has for us.  I must accept what I alone cannot change.  Even if the outcome sends goose bumps up my spine, I cannot change this.  So I let go…and let God come in and give me a small slice of His peace. Serenity.

“The courage to change the things I can…” 

Then I ask for courage.  This is the word I’ve chosen to focus on this year as my New Year’s resolution: Courage.  The courage to change the things I can change.  I vow to work on my negative thoughts, my stubbornness to view things a certain way, the courage to stop the thoughts when they overwhelm me. I vow to work on myself knowing that I am the only one I can change. Sometimes the only thing I can work on is my own perspective.  It takes courage, I think, to be myself…to do what I think is best and then move on. My heart begins to feel a bit of relief.  I can change only me.

“And the wisdom to know the difference.” 

God, that is what I do need! I listen and listen and find no peace in the listening.  Wisdom is what I pray for. The wisdom to know what I must accept and what I must change.  Wisdom. I don’t always know what it will be or how it will happen. Somehow trusting God to provide that wisdom gives me a sense of peace.

Time and time again, when I am caught up in the hustle and bustle of life, when things seem out of my control and beyond my scope of understanding,

this prayer centers me and offers a sense of calm.  God is with me.  He will provide the courage and the wisdom and all I need to do it. Breathe.  Breathe and carry on…one day at a time, one minute at a time if need be.

My friend sends me a Facebook message and in it he speaks of an idea that gives me hope and faith in our country.

“Each bird has two wings, a right and a left.  It’s body needs both wings to take flight, to soar.”- M.Arlen

So, too, our country needs people of all types, races, languages, and beliefs.  Our country needs two wings to fly…if both wings can agree to work together!  We are strong; we must start in the here and now to learn to fly together.

“God, grant me the serenity…”

Just saying those few words brings me peace for the moment.

Then I say it again…and again…like a mantra. I carry on.

Original Serenity Prayer

God, give us grace to accept with serenity

the things that cannot be changed,

Courage to change the things

which should be changed,

and the Wisdom to distinguish

the one from the other.

Living one day at a time,

Enjoying one moment at a time,

Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,

Taking, as Jesus did,

This sinful world as it is,

Not as I would have it,

Trusting that You will make all things right,

If I surrender to Your will,

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,

And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.

by Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)