Struggling

Today I was singing along with the congregation at church the song, "Worthy is the Lamb".

Alleluia, Alleluia

Our Lord God Almighty reigns

It goes on and on and we repeated the lines over and over again like a prayer...

Worthy is the lamb, worthy is the lamb

You are holy, you are holy

I was so caught up in the music that I began to imagine myself walking in the shoes of Abraham. A parent who was given an order by God to take his own son, his only son, up on to the top of a mountain and offer him as a sacrifice to God.

I imagined myself trying to lift my burdens up to the top of a mountain, to push them, cajole them, drag them up to the top of that mountain fulling intending and trying to give them over to God. I was struggling so with the image of me trying to do that.  I used every power known to me, physical power, mental power and the power of prayer.  I actually felt the burden of this struggle in my physical body.

I was on the verge of actually making some progress in heaving this heavy, limp, reluctant burden up and over to God....but just at that moment the lamb appeared...

Worthy is the lamb, worthy is the lamb

For you are Holy, you are Holy!

So the lamb appears. He is the lamb.  The risen Christ is the lamb, offered by God, so that Abraham didn't have to sacrifice his son, and neither do I have to struggle so to get those burdens of mine up and over a mountain.

The struggle is over for me.  I cannot drag my burdens to God as a sacrifice using my own powers of control, physical strength and fortitude, sheer effort and the constant struggling. The Lamb has arrived to take their place. The struggle is over.  I can only pray ....and thank God for the lamb.

Worthy is the lamb, worthy is the lamb

For He is holy, holy!

I ask God for the power to do what He would have me do.  And give thanks for the sacrificial lamb that takes the place of the burdens I try to carry.  Mostly unsuccessfully, I might add.

I ask God for the power to carry out His will for me.

Step 11:

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understand Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Genesis 20: 16-18

"This is what the Lord says: Because you have obeyed me and have not withheld even your beloved son, I swear by my own self that I will bless you richly."