Thoughts from One Year Ago

I've just been reading, thinking, and processing my thoughts today...after all these months of retirement I haven't even begun to organize my thoughts and ideas for the book that sits in my heart...

"Among the Sunflowers"...


Instead I keep waiting for that one next thing...

I keep thinking I will move to Indiana and in my new house, I'll have a wonderful office with space to work on my projects and my book...but instead, I put it off. (Even though I have a nice little room in this house for just that purpose. ) 

I came across something I'd written in 2002! (Is it even possible that it's been so long?)  At that time I had been given the idea for a book from my son. I wrote:

"Is going into the space and time of another life passing judgement on the life that I have now?  That what is, is not enough?  Again, striving for more...for a richer experience? I don't know.

...My goal today is to live the life placed before me...to somehow grow and be all that God has granted me to be...in this space and place I call home, with the people who are here with me now.

Can I live "among the sunflowers"...(the suggested title for my book).....today? NOW?  In my life as it is at this very moment?"

We put in a bid on a home in Cicero, Indiana at Christmas time.  It is a short sale and we are in a period of waiting to hear from the bank.  We were told that the bank requires that the property be listed on an online auction site and be open for other bidders prior to accepting or rejecting our offer.

We are, of course, very frustrated by this latest turn of events...however, we are not going to give up on the idea. So today, I have been very unsettled thinking about waiting for 2 more weeks before the auction even starts.

Today I began reading through some of my writings so that I don't end the day feeling like I've wasted the here and now...and I read my very own words.

"Perhaps what I'm being called to do is simply see the situations of my life..all from a different point of view, not "start anew" but start with a "new view" and a different understanding.  Perhaps that is what "Among the Sunflowers" will evolve into. Only God knows."

Sometimes the answer is simply, "Wait."

There is no work in life 

so hard as waiting, 

and yet I say, wait...

Wait, and be not afraid.

God Calling p. 38-39

And so I wait...on the house and God's will for us there...and I try to stay open so that I can be moved...maybe to write...

I go forward!

P.S.  We won the online auction for the house and moved in here in October.  Now to stay open to the writing that's been on my heart for over 10 years!